Discipline and Boundaries

Yes, the title seems heavy and a tad bit burdensome.  It has been a while since I have written. It’s like I have had a block; a wall, that has kept me from being able to take my feelings and emotions and truly work through them enough to get them into words to be able to write on a sheet of paper. So here I am, having some sort of a release to be able to express what I need to and feel the way that I should.

This past week has been one that I am not even sure I can explain in a way that will truly describe the changes, the occurrences, and the feelings that have happened to me, or went through me. I know this sounds a little crazy, but know that it is all real and I didn’t even realize it until after it had already began.  The discipline and boundaries have been my security.

I have been in what I would call a state of “limbo”. I am not sure where my life may truly be. Will I stay here? In West TN? In the U.S.?  Will I be able to find the perfect job at the preferred time?  Will I know what is right? I haven’t been faithful to a church in a few months and can only give the excuse of not connecting and not wanting to begin to pour my life into a place when I might just leave when I do figure out “the next step” /”place”, for me. Don’t get me wrong, I think church is a super important part of a Christian’s walk, but is still a part, and I have had times with my Savior. – Ok, now that that was said.....lol....I can go about the rest of my sharing. I have tried to find out more about the world, different people, how I look at my goals, how I see me, future-tense, and how I choose to live, love, and share life.

Over this past month, I have been able to experience many things that have made me happy, sad, disappointed, and aware. I have been truly deciding on the boundaries that I need to set in all aspects of my life and due to the discipline that the Lord recently gave me, and the life of discipline and boundaries He is rekindling inside of me, I am encouraged. Along with these things, I also had a day this week that I can only describe as being put to sleep by the Lord, almost as for a transformation to take place in the absence of my consciousness.

I am so excited to have had my Lord love on me and do a work on me in the midst of my unknowing and in the midst of figuring out true boundaries. These boundaries are for my own good, understanding and encouragement in becoming the Sarah that I know God wants me to be.

Sinning

Sinning. The definition of sin is “a transgression of a religious or moral law”. 

Sin is something that I still battle with, as with all of humanity, but feel that it is a battle of the mind for me. There are different levels that I feel I struggle with understanding, as it pertains to the actions, confession, and cycle of sin. Is it possible to not sin? I have heard some people say that it should be possible not to sin because most sins are because of personal choices and if we make the choice to do right and deepen our relationship with God, why would we have to sin? 

I have to admit, they had me thinking with that. Part of the reason I think it kind of threw me for a loop is that I never truly appreciated and understood the title of “a man after God’s own heart” that King David, in the Bible, was given. How could someone who was so blessed, so favored, and so loved, openly choose to do terrible things that he knew wasn’t the will of God? It was at that moment that the realization hit me- I am a David. As much as I wanted to hate David because he had the ability to be such an amazing Godly leader but yet made numerous bad choices, I couldn’t. I realized I was looking at myself. Even though I know that I am blessed, favored, and loved by my God, I still choose to do things that are not the will of God. “Why?” is still a part of the mind-boggling aspect of sin for me. There are just times when I unintentionally hurt the heart of my Savior by using excuses like “living”, “taking a break”, and “no big deal”. Do I plan on these things? No. But seems that I should always be able to know the difference. As I thought through it I realized that as a human it is almost impossible to never sin. In spite of this, Jesus loves me all the same! 

As Lamentations 3:22-23 states “His mercies are new every morning”. I am so thankful that I am loved and forgiven no matter what - that, even though I can’t understand it, I am offered forgiveness and grace, just because I am a child of His. I never want to take advantage of His grace, and so I want to try everyday to be in His word and His will, in order to better serve and honor Him. 

In closing I just want to share the following quote because it is oh-so-true. The last thing we should be doing is judging others- because there is no perfect person. 

Grace and love speaks louder than gossip and condemnation. 

Don’t you agree?

Missing the Kissing ;-)

There are many things about marriage I miss. There are the obvious things like having the companionship of another person, and the foundation to build a life. There is also the knowing that there is someone who will always be on “your team” and by your side. But there is something else I miss, that is a little embarrassing to admit. This would be –kissing- !!!!

Yes, I know....as a “good Christian girl”.....the kissing topic can be a little fuzzy. It is important to understand that I am used to kissing and being kissed by my ex for nine years, and this is a “normal” act for many couples. I think, as with anything, keeping things under control are important, but the kiss of love is something that I long for and can’t wait to eventually get again....and for the rest of my life.

Ok, so now that everyone is completely either grossed out or intrigued, I will leave you with this. Isn’t it amazing that God allows the little things to mean so much, and how when, with the right person, life can feel so complete?!?! If you have a love in your life, be thankful and appreciate the small things. If you are single, never forget that the best is still yet to come and God has that person out there for us, but for now we should seek HIM

"Never Gone"

I haven’t written in a while. I am fighting disappointment over this but also but at the same time I have been fighting through what to share. There has been a lot going on that I wasn’t necessarily expecting. There are some things in life that you cannot share all of the details to, but because of this blog I have the ability to take the things I go through and turn them into a part of my recovery journey. After this I can only hope that this can also serve as encouragement to those of you reading~

So for today I am going to share a song that has really had an impact on me in the past and during times it just feels good to have the reminder that Christ is always there. I believe that the power of music is something that allows us to say and feel all the things that words cannot describe.

Below is the song “Never Gone” by Colton Dixon. I encourage you to read the lyrics and then click on the link to listen to the song. It made be cry to again realize that even through my downs and times of unknown, God is there, has been there, and has my life in His hands.

Be blessed and please feel free to share any blessing you receive in the comment section! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRbWgiSPAcw

"Never Gone"

Lights off, a shot in the dark

We get lost when we’re playing a part

We lay blame like we know what’s best

It’s a shame…

We break when we fall too hard

Lose faith when we’re torn apart

Don’t say you’re too far gone

It’s a shame- It’s a shame

I’m still standing here

No I didn’t disappear

Now the lights are on

See I was never gone

I let go of your hand

To help you understand

With you all along

Oh, I was never gone

There’s space between our lives

Hard to face, but I know we try

To revive, bring it back to life

Don’t walk away

Don’t walk away

I’m still standing here

No I didn’t disappear

Now the lights are on

See I was never gone

I let go of your hand

To help you understand

With you all along

Oh, I was never gone

I never ever left you

Never ever left you, no.

He said I never ever left you

Never ever left you, no.

Jesus never ever left you

Never ever left you, no.

He sees us, even in the darkness

Now you know you’re not alone.

I’m still standing here

No I didn’t disappear

Now the lights are on

See I was never gone

I let go of your hand

To help you understand

With you all along

Oh, I was never gone

I’m still standing here

No I didn’t disappear

Now the lights are on

See I was never gone

I let go of your hand

To help you understand

With you all along

                                                                                         Oh, I was never gone