Have you ever thought to yourself that “something’s got to
give!”?
As one of my favorite Pins states:
“I’m ready for some blessings that aren’t in disguise”.
It’s like there is so much going on in my world that is being difficult, or maybe I just feel like I’m on the edge of sanity. This isn’t an
“oh, I have a terrible life” rant, because, as I have said before, I know that
I am blessed and try to be thankful for the provisions the Lord gives. I posted
earlier this week to Facebook this very thought. I need some of this pressure
to let up and have a change of vision.
It’s time for changes.
This past week has been an extreme struggle for me. I hope I
am not the only one who has felt this way before, as I would like to think that we all
go through periods of “testing” J
So this week I have decided that I have to do life differently and find my
inner peace and center again.
This past week so has included many things. Extreme
excitement while enjoying time with friends and siblings has been one of the
good times over this past week; It has also been a very discouraging time with
a couple down days (as those who also suffer from depression may can relate
to); I have been at odds with and exchanged just stupid banter with my
ex-husband in relation to legalities and the house that we own together (yes, I
know how long it’s been); And then sometimes all of the hurt raises up in
impatient words that end up hurting both of us. I have also experienced a pain
that I haven’t felt in a long long time. The man that I believe to be falling
in love with, is going through his own personal battles that I have no control
over, nor a way of helping, and so we may be temporarily pressing pause- hurts
my heart so much; I also have felt hope. As silly as love can be sometimes, I
have a hope for us to get through this and be all-the-more-better for our
choices over the next little bit (Let’s just say, that I hope to be writing of
him in the future J);
My mom has been extremely stressed and pressed with the illness of my
grandmother whom she now cares for, and this takes a toll on her. She also worries
so much about all of us and I feel as if I’ve added to her burden, but I don’t
know what I would do without her. To add to the crazy week, I got into an
argument with one of my best friends. This type of thing does not sit well with
me and I just want it to be over and better! So all of this on top of having no
future job lined up, transitioning after the house sells, feeling at a loss as
to the right direction and choices to make, and my loved ones who I wish I
could take away their pain and struggles.....my emotional self is weak and at
it’s end as I sit here an educated, independent, woman in her twenties with zero concrete plans!
It is at this point when I remember the chapter and song of
Psalm 121
I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?
My help comes from the
Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not
slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel,
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord is your
keeper;
The Lord is your shade
at your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your
soul.
The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
. From this
time forth, and even forevermore.
NKJV
And I am reminded that I have not been finding my strength from the Lord but instead from my weak, discouraged, and overwhelmed self! Have
I not learned this?! His love and concern for me is soo great!
Weeks like this when I feel alone and unreachable, I can
rest in the peace of knowing that Christ is with me (Matthew 28:20). Regardless
of how much I mess up or get in the way of myself, He loves ME so much!!! He
loves me more than I can imagine (Ephesians
3:18). I am sought after, longed after,
and loved so much that He will make a way; He will give peace, because that is
what a lover does.
These changes are going to be physical changes and personal
changes. Hopefully I will be sharing the processes, struggles, and adventures of
things that are “changing” in my life and the directions the Lord takes me in soon. Even in these bad weeks, I have to choose love and choose to receive it from
the one person who is a faithful love- Christ.
~ Here’s to better weeks ahead!
S
